P (see forum) decided to send me 300 questions (6 sets of 50). She is either v. bored at work, or she is just plain crazy. I'm not sure whether she made them up or simply ripped them off - either way, it took me about 3hrs to answer them all (including breaks to go and eat). Please feel free to leave 1,000,000 questions for P on my forum. Thanks P.
1. What is your Starsign?
Scorpio

2. Where is your Computer?
In front of me

3. What are you listening to at the minute?
Mr Blue Sky by the Electric Light Orchestra

4. Milk?
Full Fat

5. What was your gross income for 2004?
I earned about 12 peanuts

6. Dog or Cat?
Can't decide - I don't really like chinese take-away

7. Hotel or Hostel?
Only the best for chad - hotel

8. Why do all people like blue?
Is it because it's the opposite of red?

9. Pie or cake?
Gateau

10. How much is your rent?
Depends where I am in the world - at the moment, £0

11. When was the last time you had sex?
Does my hand count? Last night - thrice.

12. Shopping with girlfriend?
Only if I had to as a last resort attempt to save the world from exploding or something similar.

13. Sushi?
As a last resort

14. Name of your high school sweetheart?
Atari STE

15. Who was the last person to give you the finger?
A girl at uni, she tried to push it in, but I didn't want to know. OH, you mean something else...

16. Home or Away?
10% home, 90% away

17. Morrissey?
No thanks

18. What are you eating?
Salad de Chevre Chaud

19. Last thing you did with a relative?
Me and my mother had a conversation this morning

20. Who let the dogs out?
Please no

21. Best thing on toast?
Cheese on peanuts on toast (grilled)

22. Best science?
Biology - specialising in reproduction

23. What is the one thing people say about you the most?
Is your name just 'chad' or is that short for something?

24. Blonde, Ginger or Brunette?
I've had them all

25. What do you watch on TV?
I'm really into late night open university programs

26. Sweet or Salty?
Sweet

27. How do you feel about paper clips?
Excited

28. Who do you have a picture of on your desk?
Nobody

29. Children?
None I know of

30. Do you eat breakfast?
If i'm awake for it, then yes

31. Drink of choice?
Vodka & Coke

32. Middle name?
Gordon - my scottish origins

33. Middle child?
No - first born

34. Inseam?
32 I think

35. Funniest comic?
You mean like 'The Dandy' or like 'Peter Kay'? - Both

36. Have you ever thought about plastic Surgery?
No, but I once thought about getting a penis reduction

37. Are you 32?
Only 4 years to go...

38. What movie should I rent?
Sin City

39. Tuna or Toffee?
Toffee

40. What do you quote the most?
"MY child! I've lost my child!"

41. What was the last book you read?
Don't tell mum I work on the rigs, she thinks I'm a piano player in a whorehouse - Paul Carter

42. Is it warm there?
Stop taking the piss - It's england

43. Friday or Saturday?
Friday

44. Are you scared yet?
nope, but this is going to be harder than I thought

45. Do you bite your fingernails?
Yes - it's a way of keeping them in shape and in trim.

46. How old are the shoes you're wearing?
I'm wearing big bear feet. - they're about 3yrs old i think - found them out the other day

47. Can you speak Swedish?
no - I only speak the language of love

48. Do you drink coffee with cream?
Not a big fan of coffee

49. Do you smoke?
Only when I'm on fire

50. What book are you reading now?
Sahara - Michael Palin


The Second set of Fifty Questions

1. What is your keychain?
A little LED light - I am a geek

2. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Choc

3. City or Country?
Country

4. Girl friend or girlfriend?
Girlfriend - when I've got one.

5. What was your last dental work?
I had my jaw removed to see if they could find out why I talk so much crap when I'm pissed

6. Have you ever broken a bone?
Not as yet.

7. How long can you sustain a goldfish?
Never had a live fish before

8. Steve Martin or Bill Murray?
Bill Murray

9. What is in your CD player?
Haven't you heard of mp3's?

10. Do you like your job?
Depends what job I'm doing at the time.

11. How are you doing today?
I'm not bad, how are you?

12. What article of clothing do you wear and everyone hates?
Any one of my 'fat-person' loud shirts

13. Are you a good liar?
I am when backed into a corner eg. When I receive a photo from the police of me driving at 90mph in a 50 mph zone and they ask if it is me driving.

14. What was the last thing you bought at your local shop?
cadbury's crunchie blast

15. Bikini or one piece?
I've tried on bikinis, but I prefer a one-piece

16. Hair: long or short?
I prefer shaven, completely bald. Me? it's currently short.

17. Last time you got flowers sent to you?
Are you serious?

18. Are you 30?
2 years to go

19. Can you roll your tongue?
no, but my tongue is best known for being able to perform in other areas of entertainment

20. Have you ironed anything lately?
I did once.

21. Who is your emergency contact?
999?

22. Can I call your emergency contact?
In an emergency

23. What color is your couch?
Green

24. Are you bi-sexual?
Not last time I checked, no

25. Who is your best friend?
Home - Chad, Away - Zane

26. Worst song you heard on the radio?
Spice Girls something

27. Getting tired?
Not really, but my eyes are a bit sore

28. What do you think of me?
I think you're pretty hot

29. What color is my hair?
brown

30. Beatles?
where?

31. Mac or PC?
PC

32. BBC 1 or 2?
BBC 2

33. Did you wash your hands?
I always wash my hands when I've been milking dogs

34. Tomato - fruit or veg?
Is this a trick question?

35. What color is your shirt?
white.

36. Weed?
gone off it when I was about 19

37. Love?
That means zero in tennis...but I don't play tennis

38. Have you ever been to Minnesota?
No, are there bears there?

39. Best chess piece?
Knight

40. How big is your bed?
Big enough for me and you

41. Love or Hate?
Love

42. Soup?
Cream of Mushroom

43. Where do you want to be right now?
With a girl who loves me in a sunny field

44. Best cartoon?
It has to be Simpsons

45. Have you ever seen a spaceship?
Only on telly

46. How do you feel about marmite?
Bleaughhhh - It's mingin

47. wpm?
last time I checked, it was about 80 something

48. Stripes or polka-dots?
Stripes

49. Did you cut your own hair?
Who told you?

50. Origami?
I can make a pecker


The Third set of Fifty Questions

1. Gold or Silver?
Gold

2. Are you even a little annoyed yet?
Getting there

3. Tea?
Yes Please - 3 sugars and a sprinkle of milk

4. Desert island: Food or company?
company - you can't have sex with coconuts

5. Hot or cold?
Hot

6. What is the fist thing you do every morning?
Wake up

7. Did you forget to lock your car?
don't make me panic

8. Cheque or cash?
cash

9. How old is your wallet?
1yr

10. What are you listening to now?
Hockridge

11. Does your bathroom have a color scheme?
orange?

12. What is the best tasting m+m color?
don't they all taste the same? I like the blue ones

13. Which goes first, zip or button?
It depends who i'm undressin

14. How much water do you drink in a day?
I have a really bad habit of drinking beer instead

15. What time is it now?
3:30am

16. French?
Fait-il chaud ici, ou c'est juste vous?

17. Moon or Sun?
Sun

18. What time is your lunch break?
I'm self unemployed - whenever I want

19. I work 9am to 6pm. Is that ridiculous?
only if it was 9am monday till 6pm friday without sleep

20. Fastest Bra removal time?
Currently? about 2 seconds, but I can only do that with my left hand

21. Coyote Ugly or Bring it On?
I've only seen Coyote Ugly

22. Do you know who Julie Christie is?
Agatha's sister?

23. Best vegetable?
Butternut Squash? reminds me of myself

24. Kinky?
I've been known to be

25. Goth?
I used to be

26. Are you polite?
When I've had a good night's sleep

27. Best year of school?
the last - I could see the end!

28. Do you believe in ghosts?
Yes - my parents have a resident ghost and i've seen it

29. Fishing?
maybe when i'm retired

30. What time is it now?
03:37am

31. Hotdogs?
With burnt onions and mustard and ketchup

32. Tattoos?
It's not unique anymore, surely?

33. Shoe size?
10

34. Bike couriers?
always in the way

35. Do you wish you had a black car?
nope - wish I had an A-Team van though

36. Scabs?
Not recently

37. Can you tell I'm running out of ideas?
This must have taken you ages....or did you steal it?

38. Dilbert?
not really

39. Tinted Glasses?
Don't wear them

40. Chocolate or Toffee?
Chocolate

41. How often do you wash your hair?
Every day

42. How many rings before you answer the phone?
Not many

43. Jogging?
Now I know you're insane

44. Simpsons?
Yes

45. Lou Reed?
Who?

46. How many nights a week do you eat pizza?
Twice this week, but only cos I made it from scratch

47. Can you juggle?
tried once, failed

48. Do you cry?
Who doesn't? mainly when I'm upset

49. Do you know what "hotdish" is?
do you?

50. Am I getting boring?
keep em coming


The Fourth set of Fifty Questions

1. Elvis Costello?
No

2. Ever seen bread in a can?
keep taking those tablets p

3. Do you use styling products in your hair?
if it's long enough

4. Do you think someone named Hank Die wears cowboy boots?
Yes

5. Last time you called in sick, were you faking it?
you can't kick a habit of a lifetime

6. Your catch phrase?
Hold my pint love, i'm going for a shit

7. Ever heard of Rob Hawkins?
No

8. Pink?
she's hot!

9. Best muppet?
kermit

10. Best snack?
McDonalds

11. Science or religion?
Science

12. Salad dressing of choice?
Extra Virgin Olive Oil with Balsamic Vinegar and pine nuts

13. Independent or codependent?
Independent

14. Football?
Wolverhampton Wanderers

15. Science fair?
never

16. Worst disease?
I had salmonella poisoning once (is that how you spell it?) - anyway, it was coming out both ends at the same time

17. Coke or Pepsi?
Coke.

18. How did you get that jellyfish-shaped scar on your leg?
Surprisingly, I was stung by a jellyfish

19. What do you think my job title is?
Official work-avoider

20. Best ice cream?
Ben & Gerry's Phish Food

21. Does your phone have a cord?
Annoyingly, yes

22. Best swear word?
Flange

23. Can you spell?
Sometimes

24. When was your last oil change?
I think I need one, my joints are creaking and i'm only 28

25. How do you feel about retail workers?
Been there done that - they're lazy

26. Are you a slob?
I can be if you want me to be

27. Allergies?
Penicillin

28. How many credit cards do you have?
None

29. Are you subversive?
what does that mean?

30. Do you have neat handwriting?
About as neat as a doctor's

31. Boats?
no - kayaks

32. Malt or milkshake?
Milkshake

33. Should I tape it shut for you?
I hope you're not talking about your hole

34. Most annoying noise?
wake up alarms

35. Do you have 20/20 vision?
Yes, unless under the influence

36. Local shops, or shopping centres?
Whatever is closer

37. Best beer?
Banks's

38. When is it time for a break?
I've just been for a piss

39. Shower or bath?
Shower 6 days a week, and a bath for the 7th day of the week, the day that god rested

40. Does size matter?
only if my manhood scares you

41. Scones?
nope

42. Count Duckula or Danger Mouse?
Danger Mouse

43. What time is it right now?
Stop asking - it's currently 04:00am GMT

44. Can you use Excel?
I wish I could

45. Purple?
haze

46. Do you like strawberries?
Lovely

47. How do you face society with a black eye?
sunglasses?

48. What do you think of me now?
I still love you

49. Ever been to Norway?
apparently, my parents have taken me there, but I don't remember

50. Do you vote?
no, but I think I should. Anyway, you are only voting for the person who gets all the blame


The Fifth set of Fifty Questions

1. Flying?
I can't fly, but would love to learn - done a few parachute jumps in my time though

2. Do you look good in hats?
Certainly not - my head is way too big! Joe measured it and it was 63cm round! I think

3. Meetings?
I hate pointless meetings.

4. What does, "We need to talk" mean?
for me, it normally means i'm gonna get dumped

5. Email or snail mail?
email

6. Are you ergonomically correct?
my mouse isn't very ergonomic

7. Grape flavor?
green?

8. Beavis or Butthead?
maybe, when i was younger, but not now

9. Can you dance?
Yes, but it's not normal stuff

10. Do you have more guy friends than girl friends?
more girls. does that mean I'm camp?

11. Do you read your horoscope?
not really

12. Do you find yourself getting dumped for the same reason every time?
First two times, yes - penultimate time, no - last time, she never even loved me - bitch

13. Poetry?
Spike Milligan

14. Video games?
waste of life

15. When are you going to grow up?
When I feel like it, ok?

16. Uphill from here or downhill from here?
up, up and away

17. What are you doing for your birthday?
Helicopters, cocaine and prostitutes, same as every year

18. Should I go to California?
If you wish

19. Contact cement or liquid nails?
liquid nails

20. Last time you were really upset?
The day before my last birthday, she dumped me - bitch.

21. Can I mail you something?
make it a briefcase with a grand in it

22. Where the hell is Barmouth?
mid wales - coast

23. Best feature?
my moble phone

24. Soy milk?
no thanks

25. Earthquakes?
I'm not that fat am I?

26. Do you have a theme?
no, but I have a melody

27. Double joints?
nope

28. Best place to take a date?
To impress or to shag? Impress - A concert where I am playing a solo. Shag - Beach

29. What's worse: Papercut or hangnail?
Hangnail

30. Bored?
No

31. DC or Marvel?
Marvel

32. Why does my phone smell like play-dough?
You accidently swapped it with a 3yr old's phone?

33. Flour and water or papier mache mix?
Flour and water.

34. Favorite music?
currently? jamiroquai still

35. Best Kubrick film?
Clockwork Orange

36. Kevin Smith?
who?

37. Best thing about being male?
I get to make women happy

38. Worst thing about being male?
Not being able to think like a woman

39. Mozart?
never met the man, but I heard he's very good at music

40. Have you ever placed a personal ad, not as a joke?
No

41. Have you ever answered a personal ad, not as a joke?
no

42. Why are all the guys in the suite next door below avg. height?
eh?

43. Have you ever gone to work on a Saturday, thinking it was Friday?
I drove half way once - was angry and excited at the same time

44. Cheese?
with peas

45. Pager, Cellphones?
I had a pager when I was younger - felt like a doctor

46. Who's with you in the room?
not telling

47. Can you sing?
I think I can

48. Where is dudley?
just down the road

49. Daytime or nighttime
I prefer to work at night

50. Vegan?
Get out of here!


The Sixth set of Fifty Questions

1. Catholic?
no - don't really believe in anything to do with religion and cults

2. Do you have sensitive teeth?
No

3. Last dream you remember?
Wet. It was a stormy night and I was being chased through a forest by giant cucumbers. Now tell me doc, what does this mean?

4. What toppings do you like on your pizza?
Toffee and Tuna

5. How much gasoline do you use per week?
not a lot

6. Will you pick me up at the airport?
my place or yours?

7. When do you do your laundry?
when ALL of my clothes are dirty

8. Fast food?
not as much as I used to

9. Eggs?
Poached, on toast with a sprinkle of pepper

10. What is the most thoughtful gift you've gotten lately?
Two cool t-shirts from my ex for my birthday

11. Can you grow facial hair?
Yes - I currently have a bat stuck to my chin

12. Is this going to be on your webpage?
Well I wouldn't have sat here for hours replying to them now would I?

13. I like the band "Archers of Loaf". Is there something wrong with me?
Always

14. What are you doing tonight?
What would you like me to do

15. Musicals?
I'm not gay, but I do like Willy Wonka and the Sound of Music

16. Are you left handed?
Ambidextrous

17. Straight Edge?
I love my my booze

18. Tangerines?
yes, they are.

19. Is it wrong to be excited about 40 degree weather?
Celcius or Farenheit? If it's the first one, stay inside or you'll melt

20. Horror movies?
not very good at that - I went to see Final destination at uni with freinds and we all got scared - rubbish

21. What you listening to now?
Beautiful Day - Beck

22. Frisbee?
Aerobie

23. Guilty pleasure?
Cigarettes

24. Magazine?
Once in a while i'll buy Digital Camera Magazine to see what's new out there

25. Last crisis?
I couldn't find my Passport whilst waiting at the airport

26. Last thing you laughed at?
I caught my ex-girlfriend having internet sex with a complete stranger! Hilarious

27. Do you want to live alone?
Never

28. When is your next vacation?
I'm always on vacation!

29. Could you survive a fast?
never

30. Best stolen item?
Don't tell anybody, but I stole the 'Ladies' sign from above the girls toilets in the Wolverhampton Civic Hall. It is from the 60's and is made out of solid brass on a wooden shelf - it's beautiful.

31. What is really over rated about you?
Everybody thinks I'm good at stuff - I blag most of it: Piano playing, Composing, Photography - either that, or I'm a genius

32. Have you ever had a fake ID?
If I told you I'd have to kill you

33. Beer or spirits?
spirits

34. Should I get a cat?
Can you clean out the cat box every single day?

35. What should I name a cat?
Mine are called Wishbone and cha cha - blame my mother and sister

36. Where is Birmingham in relation to you?
Too close for comfort. about 15miles south east

37. Last time you saw snow?
this week

38. Do you think lawyers should be abolished?
you've been watching Back to the Future 2 haven't you?

39. Why am I always the last to know about stuff?
Maybe you never get told, or they think you already know.

40. How tall are you?
6'1"

41. Where will you be in 10 years?
in my late 30's

42. How do you feel about getting lost?
I love it - I like adventures!

43. Peanut Butter or Jelly?
Jelly

44. Have I asked you anything 2wice?
yes two things - what time is it and what are you listening to now?

45. Packaging?
I like to package myself in nutella sometimes

46. Do you have a lisp?
no, but i'vebeen known to slur when under the influence

47. Theme parks?
Love it

48. Are you easily annoyed?
sometimes, mainly when tired, but I nearly always end up laughing

49. Die Hard?
I hope I die soft

50. Are you sad that this is the last "50 Questions" Installment?
Yes, deeply disturbed


 

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