I can't make my mind up about Marbella. I wake up, the sun is shining and it's a beautiful day. I go to the beach, go for a swim, take the kayak out for a couple of kms and then relax in the afternoon with a beer or two. I wake up the next day to the sound of car horns, the sun is shining AGAIN and it's hot as hell. The sea is full of jellyfish, I'm skint, I'm hungry and all that is on tv is some crap spanish program about bull fighting.

I just can't make my mind up - I either love it or hate it! Below are a couple of reasons why...

  
I love Marbella because...
Bread - Spanish bread pretty much tastes the same whatever it is called. Obviously you have a choice of white or brown, but the average loaf is the same as the next. The reason I love the bread here is because it lasts forever. I swear there's no wheat in it or whatever it is that goes into bread production. I think they make it from cardboard or something. I have a loaf in the cupboard and it's been there for three weeks now! I don't really eat that much of it so it's a good thing it lasts that long. The reason the bread here is called 'Big American Sandwich' is beacuse the spanish obviously believe that the sandwich was invented in America - not at all by the Earl of Sandwich in England...
 
 
  Allo Darlin
Free Porn - Upon arrival in my new apartment, I was lazily flicking through the channels when I discovered OJEN TV. Ojen (say o-hen) is a place about 10km from Marbella in the mountains. I recently found out that it may possibly be the porn capital of Europe, though I have my doubts. Don't get me wrong - it's not 24hr live stuff or anything, just after midnight for about 5 or 6 hrs. At a guess. Out of curiosity, I did watch a 'live' show which was performed on a revolving bed with a live audience. Amazing really...
 
  Sunsets - One of my favourite features of Marbella. I love watching the sunset. It's different everyday. Marbella faces south towards Africa, so you always catch a glimpse of the sun setting over the mountains to the West. There's something about a sunset over the water - a different feeling to watching it set over Dudley or Wolverhampton!  
 
  Allo Cheeky!
Did I mention free porn? - I guess it's such a big 'love' it's worth a second mention! I guess it's hard to understand to an outsider, but when you've watched all of your dvds a million times and the only other option is a gameshow in a language you don't understand, it's the best entertainment around! Also, when your girlfriend is in Australia, what else can a man do...?
 

Obviously, there are a thousand things I could list here, but I don't have the pictures to illustrate them. Here are a few more things I love:

The fact that everyone speaks English. Personally, I don't like going to a foreign country without learning the basics - please, thank you etc. I find it disgusting that people are so narrow minded that they won't even bother to do this. I did intend to learn Spanish while I was here, but every effort to do so was returned with English. It seems that the Spanish want to learn English as much as you want to learn their language!

The fact that you can buy English food. The Costa Del Sol is a home from home, but with better weather! Most supermarkets will sell Cadburys chocolate, Branston Pickle, Heinz Beans and all the other favourites.

The Spanish food. Although English food is available, I'm here to broaden my knowledge. If I get the chance, I'd prefer to eat traditional food.

The Spanish women. That olive skin, the golden tans. I can only window shop though - I have a missus.
 
I hate Marbella because...
Crap TV - It's not because I don't understand the language. It really is bad tv. It's as if the Spanish have only just discovered tv. They seem to be about 30yrs behind everybody else! The quality, the presenters, the content. The guy on the left is typical of what i've seen to date - an old guy on tv talking about crap. I'd rate it worse than the English Channel 5 and that's saying something. Apart from Ojen TV, the rest is pretty primitive. Don't get me wrong, i'm not saying English TV is perfect, but come on - they could at least use their imagination!
 
Spanish Car Owners - the guy in the red car is reverse parking. Pretty normal when you wanna park. But WHY oh WHY do the Spanish feel the need to use their horn for this procedure. Not the guy parking - i'm talking about the queue of 3 cars behind him. I think part of the Spanish driving test is that you must press and hold your horn for at least 2 minutes to pass. Every morning guaranteed, you can hear the bastards beeping for no apparent reason. I awoke at 6am the other morning to the sound of a horn being held down. I looked over the balcony and expected to see some sort of crash with the guys head on the horn but it was not to be. He was beeping cos his girlfriend was late.
 

Equally, there are probably a thousand things I hate about Marbella, but here are a couple:

Since the main development of the Costa Del Sol in the 80's, the locals have somewhat changed. I can imagine them with open arms, welcoming the foreign intake. The development of the area certainly boosted the local economy. At the same time, it has pushed up house prices, and the locals can no longer afford to buy properties. In return, the average foreigner is not welcome anymore.

A number of the locals are rude, uncaring and down-right bastards. They fail to realise that if the foreigners all moved away, there would more than likely be a recession. Marbella, it seems, is a dying place. Just a quick glance around will tell you that it's heading for trouble. People are moving elsewhere. Shops are closing due to bankruptcy, bars are empty, restaurants are suffering. It's a shame that things like this have to happen. I like Marbella, but unfortunately, like most tourist-dependant resorts, it's a slippery slope downhill.

I dare say that things might recover and all will be well, but it's something you can never predict. Maybe if the locals treated people the way they did when the foreigners arrived? Maybe it would change a lot, maybe it wouldn't. You shouldn't take things for granted in life - you never know what's round the corner.

Anyway, enough seriousness for now - i'm off to watch some free porn!