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We met in a pub whos name I forget, but it was reasonable and pleasant. All of this happened a while ago (I've moved house since the last update, more news to follow on that) I'm also slightly hungover so my memories may be a bit sketchy...

Cheeky Vimto

We arrived at the random pub slightly later than the others, so we had to play catch-up. Our first round was a Cheeky Vimto - it's basically a shot of port mixed with a blue WKD - nice. I also ordered a shot of amaretto alongside. The thing was, whilst we were waiting to down the said drinks, Zane had to make a call so while he was outside, we poured his shot into his cheeky vimto. This gave it a new and amazing taste which we then christened a 'Slutty Vimto'.

The Return of the Zane 

After his 2 day phonecall, Zane decided to return and we all had a strawpedo each - it's basically a straw in a bottle and we down it. Why the straw? It allows air back into the bottle so you can drink it quicker. Take note Americans - we invented drinking.

Dorsett 

 This is Dorsett (I'm pretty sure it's spelt with two 't's' - anyway, he made an appearance after we'd had a few rounds and settled into the atmosphere as only he could. 

Fill Her Up 

Being the last day of smoking in enclosed public places and all, we decided to go for an all-out marathon of smoking. In total, there were five of us - Me, Zane, Matt, Steve and Dorsett. We all smoke so filling the ashtray wouldn't be a problem. We also requested that it wasn't to be emptied under no circumstances as we were trying to monitor our habit.

Smoking Matt

No - not something you stand on to smoke - this is Matt and he's smoking.

Catch-up 

I decided to  smoke a whole pack in one go for the hell of it.

New lungs please.

Two in one 

Steve goes for a couple at a time just because it's last chance Saturday.

The table of doom 

The table looks a bit empty so we decided to stock it up with a few more drinks.

Strawpedo, again 

Being a quiet Saturday afternoon drink and all, it was only fair we necked a few more drinks strawpedo style.

Feeling Rough

We still felt rough from the previous night in Clapham - Zane especially.

Pool anybody? 

After a few stiff drinks, it was time for a spot of pool action. Can't remember what time it was, but all I remember from this point was being hungry. The thing with being in the company of Zane is that he never wants to eat, or just blatantly forgets so I nearly always go without.

I spotted a kebab place across the road though, so it would only be a matter of time.

Doctor Who? 

The last episode of this season's Doctor Who was on telly and we couldn't drag Dorsett away for love nor money. I know it was the last episode, but in a pub? I'm not much of a fan but I'll watch it. I watched about 5 minutes of it then went walkabout in search of food...

Hmmm, Burger 

A quick trip to the kebab place over the road and I'd got myself a decent burger. I stood outside in the rain to munch on it as I thought it rude and intolerable to be seen eating in a pub, consuming food not of their produce.

Strawpedo, part III

Smirnoff Ice tastes just like lemonade, I guess that's why we're downing it so quickly.

Mimic

Zane does a very good gay catalogue pose type thing so I decided to see if I could do it.

That's a yes then.

Shmokin' a Shigar 

The decision is made that normal smokes aren't quite upto the standard that we're after so cigars are the choice of the day.

Marvellous

Full already 

The ashtray (soon to be a historical object, don't throw them away) was soon full to the brim. Again, we asked if it could remain full until we left for sentimental purposes.

Belly Barging 

Dorsett decided we should have a game of belly barging now that Doctor Who had finished.

The rules are simple:

Run upto person with your gut sticking out.

Bump into them at pace.

The loser is the person who absorbs more energy and bounces back the furthest.

Simple.

Get his trousers! 

I don't remember exactly how this started, but I think it was a combination of Zane re-doing his trouser belt up and a lot of Male Hormones. It was probably boredom of sitting in a pub as well with not a lot of women to keep us occupied.

Forfeit 

Again, can't remember the details, but this picture was something along the lines of Dorsett sticking the cue ball down his pants and then Zane had to lick it.

Moving on 

 We got changed into our 'formal' gear using the back of Zane's car as a changing area, which also happened to be in full public view. Not that I care - most people would pay to see my gorgeous physique.

The plan was simple - we were going to unleash our drunkedness upon that little place called Woking...

O'neills 

I think it was an O'neills bar - or something similar. Anyway - as our first port of call it was only fair to mingle with the locals. Here's Zane with a local granny.

Oi you! No! 

Zane gets all pointy after a few pints.

Grab a granny 

It turns out that the people inside who I thought were Grannies were actually just in fancy dress.

Very convincing though I thought.

Ladeez 

Zane poses for a photo with the two girls I was trying to chat up all night.

Fight!

Whilst pulling a few dance moves, I accidently kicked a 'geezer' who also happened to be a 'skinhead' in the bollocks. He wasn't too pleased with this and threatened to, I quote, to ' 'kick my fucking head in'.

Now I've had a few rumbles in my time but I was in no fit state to have my fucking head kicked in so I declined his offer and instead, asked him politely to leave my head alone.

Without a thought, he agreed.

True story.

The move

This was the move that originally got me in to trouble. As you can tell, the threat from the skinhead (pictured behind me in the stripy top) didn't have much effect and I continued nontheless.

Sketchy Memory 

I remember that the group got split up and I also remember that we visited bars called Chameleon and RSVP, but not in any particular order.

Here's a picture of one of those bars with a girl attempting to kiss me. I politely declined her offer as I had made arrangements to meet up with all those grannies from O'neill's.

KFC 

I think it was KFC or something similar like PFC (perfect fried chicken). Anyway - we had a quick pit-stop before returning to O'Neill's for some live music.

Women have no penis, and men are from Bars

It's true.

Take two, but from a different angle 

Can you tell I've run out of things to say?

Ok - I'll start making some random stuff up.

Not that you were reading this text anyway - you're probably just skimming the pictures.

Once upon a time 

We went out and got bladdered.

Women

And I dragged two women back to my cave.

Finger Lickin' Good 

But not before I licked their hands like it twas a piece of fresh meat 

New Haw

Zane's Football team shirt, but I believe they've spelt it incorrectly.

If you hadn't of guessed, we were back at Zane's now and it was time for beddy byes.

Passed out

Zane never actually seems to make it to bed when we get back.

Awake 

I can never seem to sleep after a night out so I unwind with a glass of wine and a spot of Big Brother.

Yes - that is the real time on the clock.

Well - that's it for now - until next time...